by Kait Mordey
(via dominikkiss)
i have a really shitty personality in real life
it’s hard to act myself even around sarah who is my best friend
i really need room to grow but im kinda of stuck
i want to breakdown crying so bad right now
today has been thw orst but im at work and i fucking hate kids why am i here
that lullbaies video i cant even watch right now i probably wqill ater but as if i havent beaten myself up enough today im going to regret not going just like eveyr other fuckng tour i couldnt go to and i could have gone but NO I HAD FUCKING SCHOOL AND EXAMS AND
I WANT TO DIE
i am so ANGRY at myself
it’s unfair and i am selfish and all i want is a guy best friend again.
ethan wanted nothing to do with me after a year of being my best friend all he did was ignore me
and i already cried over losing that friendship a little over a week ago and i just miss it so much i miss having a best friend who was a guy i could tell anything and everything to and i wouldnt mind texting if needed because we texted all the time and fuck i am just so deprived of what every teenage girl has and i just want it back so bad
so bad
i need to stop myself from liking him and thinking that once he knows lauren doesnt like him he’ll automatically like me cause thats NOT how it works and im STUPID and i need to stop myself before i fuck everything up for myself because no one is going to know
he barely knows anything about me we are only kind of friends. i blame ethan so much for this. the one guy that comes close to being a possible good friend of mine and i am already going down the deep end with it. i hate him. i swear to god.
it’s unfair. on my way to history lauren and him we were walking together and as they stopped at the door he gave her a note and i got JEALOUS and i started feeling bad for myself and i wanted something like that so bad and it ruined me. i thought about it all history class. im STUPID. fucking stupid.
and he’s not going to like me because i’m nothing like sarah or lauren i am not special i am fucked up and i have secrets and my life is boring. i don’t even actually like him yet i’m just confusing myself.
i think i just want someone so bad. that sounds shallow but that someone would special to me. i don’t know what the fuck im doing im messing EVERYTHING up so i should just crawl back to my pokemon and drowning my feelings with brand new and stop being such a stupid bitch.
(via falafelwaffle)
(via dominikkiss)
i miss them so much i wish i was seeing them today
i miss alex
even though he’s the biggest fucking fag i’ve seen
after they announced tour dates and they were coming to cleveland on a monday i was so upset i needed a break because every time i listened to them or even saw them i was reminded of that and it made me hate them
i still can’t listen to them
but i miss them
(via iamtheslaughter)