this is going to sound naive 

but i need to get away from here. i need to break free from this place. everything here is holding me back. i cant be myself in school. i cover up as much about myself as possible. i try not to wear band shirts and i dont wear any of my band bracelets anymore. its dumb, i know. but i dont like people to know about me, its weird. im going to wear my versaemerge and brand new shirts and stuff but theyre different i guess. no one can really start conversations and bother me about them. whatever. all i wear are jeans and vans and hoodies. i couldnt give a shit what they think, but yet i still think i do. i dont know what i am. and thats why i need to leave. i need to find myself. music has helped me with that but im still confused. my therapist didnt help me. im hoping guitar will help shape who i am, and because its a positive influence maybe i will get something good out of it. im really hoping so. thats the only thought that gets me the taddest bit excited about anything. i need to turn to music because its always been there. and i need to look forward but i always feel like my feet are chained. 

everything is holding me back, including myself. id be lying to myself if i said i wasnt. all the things i tell myself, everything i do to myself is back tracking my steps. time is moving, but im not. every day is a day closer to summer and graduation. thats not enough, and it should be. its so hard to change my attitude towards life when im never happy. 

i want out. i need it.