i need to stop myself from liking him and thinking that once he knows lauren doesnt like him he’ll automatically like me cause thats NOT how it works and im STUPID and i need to stop myself before i fuck everything up for myself because no one is going to know 

he barely knows anything about me we are only kind of friends. i blame ethan so much for this. the one guy that comes close to being a possible good friend of mine and i am already going down the deep end with it. i hate him. i swear to god. 

it’s unfair. on my way to history lauren and him we were walking together and as they stopped at the door he gave her a note and i got JEALOUS and i started feeling bad for myself and i wanted something like that so bad and it ruined me. i thought about it all history class. im STUPID. fucking stupid. 

and he’s not going to like me because i’m nothing like sarah or lauren i am not special i am fucked up and i have secrets and my life is boring. i don’t even actually like him yet i’m just confusing myself. 

i think i just want someone so bad. that sounds shallow but that someone would special to me. i don’t know what the fuck im doing im messing EVERYTHING up so i should just crawl back to my pokemon and drowning my feelings with brand new and stop being such a stupid bitch.