oh my god okay im smiling so much just because i came back from what im about to tell you and theres gaskarth all over my dash and he makes me smile so much this is stupid but just seeing his face makes me happy. 

okay so what happened. 

well my dad wanted to talk to me outside and what he told is that there is something wrong with me and that im cold and distant. and like my uncle died about 5 years ago and my dad told me he went through is still going through a depression from it and he sees a counselor or whatever still and on monday he said hed take if i wanted but i didnt tell him ANYTHING about what was wrong with me. 

he just knows there is something wrong. 

i am scared. still scared. im scared theyll take tumblr away from me. 

im not going to go. but yeah. 

there are so many pill bottles on the top cabinet i do not want to add more bottles. 

i just want to show them the personality disorder/depression results. i dont want to explain even though ill have to BUT I DONT WANT TO TELL A STRANGER MY THOUGHTS.

I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT WANT TO BUT ILL HAVE TO. 

im scared. im not in denial. im not embarrassed. im scared.